Illinois - Scarface Edition

Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich:    Hello Barack!  Congratulations again on your win.

Presumptive White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel:    Good morning, Governor.  The President-elect couldn't speak with you today.  He's very busy with some folks from Detroit.

Blagoface:  You know what?  Fuck you!  How about that?

Emanuel:   Listen Blago, I just want to make clear we appreciate your considering our preferred candidate to replace Senator Obama.

Blagoface:  In this country, you gotta make the money first.  Then when you get the money, you get the power.  Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Emanuel:   She's a good woman.  Call her, uh, "Candidate #1".  She'd make a good senator.

Blagoface:  You want to give me the cash, or do I kill your brother first, before I kill you?

Emanuel:   Why don't you try sticking your head up your ass?  See if it fits.

Blagoface:  I got ears, ya know.  I hear things.

Emanuel:   Yeah?  What do you hear about George Ryan and the Jackson family?  What about them?  What about Eliot Spitzer?  What is he gonna do when you start moving 2000 keys?

Blagoface:  Fuck Eliot Spitzer!  And fuck the fuckin' Jackson family! Fuck 'em all!  I bury those cockroaches!

Emanuel:   What about homosexuality, Rod?  You like men, huh?  You like to dress up like a woman?

Blagoface:  I never fucked anybody in my life didn't have it coming to them.  You got that?  All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one.  Do you understand?  That piece of shit up there, I never liked him, I never trusted him.  For all I know he had me set up and had my friend Angel Harris killed.  But that's history.  I'm here, he's not.  Do you wanna go on with me, you say it. You don't, then you make a move.

Emanuel:   Here pelican, pelican, pelican...

Blagoface:  Look at that!  A junkie.  I got a junkie for a wife.  Her womb is so polluted, I can't even have a fucking little baby with her!

Elvira Blagoface:    Can't you see what we're becoming, Rod?  We're losers.  We're not winners, we're losers.

Blagoface:  You know what your problem is?

Elvira:        What's that?

Blagoface:  You don't got nothing to do with your life.  Why don't you get a job?  Work with lepers.  Blind kids.  Anything's gotta be better than lying around all day waiting for me to fuck you.

Elvira:        Don't toot your horn, honey.  You're not that good.

Blagoface:  Go home.  You're stoned.

Emanuel:   So you want a job for your wife too?

Blagoface:  Okay.  Fuck you.  How's that?

Emanuel:   Fuck you.

Blagoface:  Fuck You!

Emanuel:   I don't have to listen to this bullshit!

Blagoface:  You wanna work eight, ten fucking hours?  You own nothing, you got nothing!  Do you want a chivato on every corner looking after you?  Watching everything you do?  Everything you say, man?  Do you know I eat octopus three times a day?  I got fucking octopus coming out of my fucking ears.  I got the fuckin' Russian shoes my feet's comin' through.  How you like that?  What, you want me to stay there and do nothing?  Hey, I'm no fuckin' criminal, man.  I'm no puta or thief.  I'm Rod Blagojevich, a political prisoner from Chicago. And I want my fuckin' human rights, now!

[Slams desk]  Just like the President Barack Obama says.  Okay?

Emanuel:  Obama should see this human right.  He's really good. What do you say Fitzgerald?

US Attorney, Patrick Fitzgerald:    Get him outta here!