Biden v. Palin - Fargo Edition

Biden:    I told ya.  We haven't had any vehicles go missing.

Palin:    Okay.  But are ya sure?  'Cause I mean, how do ya know?  Do you do a count, or what kind of routine do ya have here?

Biden:    Ma'am, I answered your question!

Palin:    I'm sorry, sir?

Biden:    Well, heck, if you wanna play games here.  I'm workin' with ya on this thing, but I... Okay, I'll do a damned lot count!

Palin:    Sir?  Right now?

Biden:    Sure, right now!  You're darned tootin'!

Gwen Ifill:    There's a minimum charge of four dollars.  Long term parking charges by the day.

Biden:    I guess you think you're...you know, like an authority figure, with that stupid fuckin' uniform, huh buddy?  King clip-on tie there, big fuckin' man, huh?  You know these are the limits of your life, man.  The rule of your little fuckin' gate here.  Here's your four dollars, you pathetic piece of shit!

Palin:    Mind if I sit down?  I'm carrying quite a load here.  (smiling) Two more months...

Biden:    Oh, for Chris'sakes here!

Palin:    So Joe, should we get together another time?

Biden:    No!  [sobs]... I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have done this.  I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't have... I thought we'd have a really terrific time.

Palin:    It's okay, Joe.

Biden:    You were such a super lady... and I'm, I'm so lonely.  [sobs]

Palin:    Oh for Pete's sake, he's fleeing the interview!  He's fleeing the interview!

Ifill:    You're a smooth smooth, you know.

Palin:    You betcha!  I'm doing really super here, thanks.

______

(After the debate, the families join the candidates on stage.  Todd Palin smiles at his wife, congratulates her, and keeps oddly smiling.)

Todd:     They announced it.

Sarah:    They announced it?

Todd:     Yeah.

Sarah:    So?

Todd:     Three-cent stamp.

Sarah:    Your mallard?

Todd:     Yeah.

Sarah:    Oh, that's terrific!

Todd:     It's just a three-cent stamp.

Sarah:    It's terrific.

Todd:     Hautman's blue-winged teal got the 29-cent.  People don't much use the three-cent.

Sarah:    Oh, for Pete's sake.  Of course they do.  Whenever they raise the postage, people need the little stamps.

Todd:     I love ya, Margie.

Sarah:    I love you, Norm.